The First Time
by Aine Valentine
Summary: For EreMika week. "It was the first time she hadn't been there to truly protect him, and it had cost him his life."


For EreMika week. Dedicated to avatarmikassa; she's the one that inspired me to participate.

Rated for character death.

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><p>Mikasa absentmindedly laid a hand on her swollen stomach as she put the last dish away. Rubbing small circles where the growing child kicked, she smiled and shut the cabinet door.<p>

It had been four days now since the Survey Corps left on an expedition. Eren hadn't wanted to go, for Mikasa was due any day now, but Levi swore if he didn't show, he'd make sure Eren would "clean the whole fucking place with that goddamn toothbrush". Mikasa had sent him off with a small smile, pecking his lips softly and reminding him to be careful.

It was the first time he'd gone on an expedition in many years without her. But, because of her heavily pregnant state, she'd opted to retire from the Corps. She had known he would be fine; after all, it had been five years since they'd joined the Corps. They had successfully exterminated the Titans, but they, the Survey Corps and the citizens, had agreed to send Corps members outside of the walls once a year to examine the land. For precautionary reasons, the walls would stay put until the Corps members gave their clear for a few consecutive years.

With the smile still spread across her face and her hand placed on her belly, she left the small kitchen, moving over to the sitting area. Picking up her book placed carefully on the side table, she waddled awkwardly to sit down. She read for a while, lost in the story being told, until a knock came from the front door. She sighed, not wanting to get up, as the baby was currently kicking to its little heart's content and it was causing her pain. Slowly but surely she set the book back down and placed her hands on either arm of the chair, lifting herself up. Ignoring her swollen feet's protests, she made her way to the door.

She opened it, looking up. "Hello, Armin." She said. "How are you? Is the Corps back?" Her eyes darted behind Armin, looking for Eren. Instead, she only saw several solemn faces behind him; members of the Corps. Each had their right hand over their hearts and their left arm behind their backs, a sign of respect. A few steps behind Armin, leading the small group, was Levi. As soon as Mikasa's eyes met his, shame filled him. He broke the contact first, looking up at the sky, cursing the day. Why did this have to happen to her? He asked himself. Any fucking person in the world and it was Eren, the boy—the _man_ he swore to protect.

Dread filled Mikasa.

"Mikasa…" Armin's voice cracked.

Mikasa looked back at him. Her heart dropped. "Armin, where is Eren?" She demanded.

He looked down at the ground, a single tear falling down his face. "That stupid bastard did it again." He whispered, clutching at his shirt.

"Calm down, Armin." Mikasa's voice wavered as she reached out to place her hand on Armin's cheek. "What happened to him?" She asked, though she already knew the answer.

"He—he—" Armin pushed Mikasa's hand off of him and stood up straight, looking her in the eyes. "There was one left! There was only one damn Titan left! And it—it got me, Mikasa!" He began to shout, more tears coming from his eyes. "And he saved me! But—but it got him, Mikasa! It crushed him in its hand and then swallowed him whole!"

Mikasa's face went blank. Her heart dropped into her stomach as the reality set in. When she said nothing, Armin stepped further away, joining the small group of the Survey Corps members behind him.

"I'll understand if you hate me now. I—I took him away from you! It's all my fault," he wept, clenching his hands into fists. "I screwed up again and it cost you your best friend."

Mikasa slowly walked to Armin, placing both hands on his shoulders. "It is not your fault that he chose to save your life. I would have done the same for either of you." He looked up, surprised to see a single tear falling down her cheek. It splashed onto her chest, wetting her shirt. "And I would expect you to do no less, either." She gripped him hard, letting out a shaky breath. "Armin, I would like to be alone for a while. But know this, Armin. I could never, ever hate you." She said, but when she let go of him and began to turn away, he knew in his heart that things would never be the same between the two. "I wasn't the only one who lost him. He may be my husband, but he is your friend, too." She looked to the others. "He was special to all of us."

"Mikasa…" he grabbed her hand. "Mikasa, this fell off." He murmured, opening his hand. She gazed at the object, taking in a sharp breath. "I…I found this after we'd killed the Titan. It was his. It's only right for you to have it."

She took the ring in her hand, feeling the smoothness of the metal. "Thank you." She croaked out.

Levi spoke. "Mikasa, I—"

She shook her head. "Don't apologize, Levi." With that, she turned from the group, head bowed as she slipped into her home. Silently, she shut the door behind her.

She slipped the ring on her left thumb, the only finger big enough to keep it from sliding off. She slid against the door, landing on the ground. For a while, she stared at the ring. She did not cry at first; there was only denial.

No, Eren couldn't be gone. No, he wasn't; he'd be back in time for dinner. He'd be there to see their child being born. He would be home, he would be safe!

But she had seen their faces. The denial did not last long.

She let out a strangled cry. It came from the bottom of her throat, quiet at first, but it gained volume as her shoulders shook. In only a few short minutes, she was weeping, clutching at herself as the sobs wracked her body, shaking her. She clutched at the red scarf placed around her neck, letting her tears fall into it.

She cried into the night, never bothering to move from her spot. She ignored the pain in her lower back and her feet; she ignored the kicking of her unborn baby.

Feeling it move had only made it worse. When it kicked her lightly, she had realized that this child would be without a father.

Greif ran through her veins, shooting through her body. She wept for her beloved, for her best friend.

She had failed in her one mission.

It was the first time she hadn't been there to truly protect him, and it had cost him his life.


End file.
